Time to recollect my thoughts and progress on here again..Haha. Rereading these post reminds me how I was and what I need to do better. Well here’s another cause a lot’s on my mind today..
I started reading the Bible again. It’s helping me how to better understand what I should be doing and keeping my morals in check. I guess this is just my prayers being answered? Just didn’t want it happened like this but I shouldn’t question God’s plans. I will put my faith in God and move forward. If God wanted me to be with her, she will come back in my life some way some how. I am just not ready for something like this right now. Who know what I’ll want a year from now?
This event really broke me and I was gushing emotions to anyone and everyone about my situation. Before, I guess before I was too embarrassed to open up? What I realized though is, so many people had gone through similar situations and better themselves from it. Some even messaged me first and opened up to me. Shared their story and different things they did to cope with it. Today as I was chatting with on of my friends and I learned that he is a Navy Career Counselor??! What was I doing with all these resources around me. haha. But at least now I know.
I never been so motivated to try hard in life and wanting to try hard to change/better myself. It hurts still, but I changed so much from this and still changing for the better. Already, my daily routine has drastically changed and view in life is so different. I should be happy that I changed so much from this and how determined I am to never go back to my old ways. In that sense, I am happy and proud of myself. But it’s like a damn paradox. If she hadn’t left I wouldn’t have grown, but I never would wish this happening to anyone ever.
Things seems like they are all moving so fast now. Things are changing so fast and so much that it’s sometimes a lot to handle, but I never been so excited to think of my future. Before it was always this dark cloud that would get me down. Now life has open doors for me that I never even know they were there. Keeping busy keeps me happy and motivated.
But on my down time sometimes like today, I can’t shake off my thought about her. Ugh. Even now, I feel like I won’t ever get over her fully..I just need to chill out with these thoughts about her if I ever do want to get over her. I was doing good, but then today I don’t know why I’m thinking again. I must remind myself I can’t dwell on the past, but use it as resource to not mess up again. Stop questioning God’s plan.
Ah, typing all this out helped. Until my next rant. Never give up Simon! You are getting closer to your goal each day! Never slow down!